twice, 2x and still nvr learn

how the hell did i let it happen again? i was fine. my life was fine. i guess it was a lie. how the hell did i let that jackhole hurt me twice. how did it happen? i mean i guess when he told me those things i bought it. wat an idiot.... i knew better but somehow i bought into it and now when he's moved on, i'm still stuck in limbo waiting for someone to help me to the other side. why? why? i want him.... but i know i'm not supposed to. please.... someone help me find a way to cross. the pain is hurtin me to no end. i want.... i want.... i wanna be happy again.